stupid vs. naive

I have just been thinking about all of my friends endeavors in the relationship world and I feel that most relationships fail when one partner is stupid and one partner is naïve. Please don't hold me to this as some psycho-analytical proven theory, its more like my own opinion.

Couple failed #1.
Stupid and Naïve never really became official but they saw more of each other then any other person they were "dating". Stupid had a very I mean very DEEP DARK SECRET and Naïve knew he was shady but never looked too much into it cuz they weren't official. Result: Truth came to light, shit hit the fan and there is NO WAY they will ever "date" again.

Couple failed # 2.
Stupid asked a lot of questions but never answered them. Naïve never realized that stupid never answered questions. Stupid had a DEEP DARK SECRET, Naïve was too naïve to see that Stupid was being shady and well end result: one secret quickly followed by another came out and well they will never be a couple

Couple failed # 3.

Naïve treated Stupid like they were a precious stone. Stupid was never satisfied. Naïve tried even harder to please Stupid, buying bigger/better/more expensive gifts. Stupid showed Naïve just how unimpressed they were by sleeping with someone else. End result: (just take a wild guess)

So what have I learned? If I ever had to be Stupid or Naïve, I'd rather be stupid! But I thank my lucky stars that I am not in a Stupid vs. Naïve relationship.

Random Fact About Me Pt. 2

I hate feet! I don't like seeing them and I definitely don't like touching them. In the summer time I hate sitting on the train because everyone is wearing flip flops.

Just Venting

So I know that common sense aint so common but damn why do all the idiots of the world have to work with me and/or somehow manage to be around me. I am seriously tired of dealing with people that need to be diagnosed.

Random Facts About Me Pt. 1

I never settle for less than what I deserve when it comes to my personal life. But tend to compromise myself or settle for way less then I deserve when it comes to my professional life. I personally think its because I fear being successful and tend to think of all the added responsibility that would come with being super successful. Lately I've been pondering on this settling thing because one of my friends told me that whenever you settle for less, that you will always end up with less then you expected. And truth be told, that has been proven true in my life twice already.

which group do I really belong to?

I found a group of friends that I really thought I would fit in with and have spent a great deal of time getting to know them. Along the friendship process one not so nice member of the larger circle of this group of friends, decided to send a degrading email to me and ever since then I find myself questioning my belonging to this group and being relunctant to fully throw myself into the group.

Years ago when I began this process of searching for my group of life long friends I began with a group that I shared mutual friends with. At that time I just didn't feel connected to this group so I moved on. But lately I've been around this group and feel connected to them in a way that feels right.

I'm at a crossroads and I really don't know what to do. My mind and my heart say two different things. I can belong to one group and hang out with the other but I can't belong to both groups. I know that I will be successful in either group and will have the life long friendship too. But if that email was never sent to me I would never question which group I belong to. And I just wonder was it fate or destiny coming in to show me that I wasn't make the right choice, or was it a test of faith and personal character that I have yet to fully pass. Or am I just thinking too much?

When it comes to things like this, I think it is better to trust my heart and not my mind. But is that the right way to think?

January 1 2003

How did it get to this point? The point where I pretended to fall asleep and at the sound of your deepest exhale, signaling that you were fast asleep, I crept to your kitchen and grabbed the biggest, sharpest knife from your drawer and tip-toed back down the hall into your room and back into your bed. At this point I glance over at MY daughter, who biologically is OUR daughter, but was never really YOUR daughter and hoped that she would continue to sleep. I then climb onto your body and I wrap my legs over your arms and legs restraining them, making sure I had control over your limbs. I place the knife right at the apple of adam and called out your name...

I wanted to kill you and I could've right there, for having the audacity to put your hands on me. Sadistic actions led you to place me in front of the mirror so I can watch as you wrapped your hands around my neck and choked me til I couldn't breathe. My face began to turn purple as you called me all types of derogatories, and then the baby, she just walked in and my neck was suddenly free.

In your sick mind, you probably thought that you were showing me whose boss as you placed me in front of the looking glass. You were mistaking though because you ignited an anger and passion so strong whose sole purpose was to defeat you. As I watched myself almost die, I vowed that if I survived I would never end up in a situation like that again.

It was New Years Eve/Day 2003 and I was over you. I planned it all out a you climbed on top of me, while the baby was asleep, forcing yourself inside of me. I was so numb by that time that I formulated my plan as I vocalized the programmed sex talk and you just get on pushing without a clue. I was planning to kill you that day, unless the baby awoke. But when real time hit and I had that knife to your throat, I realized you were already dead to me. So I gave you a warning and let you fall back to sleep, I began to pack our things, my daughters and mine and when the sun came up I left with a smile on my face.