Sometimes I totally agree with this...

I am thankful for...

my daughter, life, love, the family members that I like ;), my line sisters, my line brothers, my friends, Kerri, Dwight, pepsi, my I-pod, beyonce, ne-yo, my paychecks, education, the privilege to vote, Obama 08, porkchops, chicken, rice & beans, good books, movies, the internet, facebook, malibu & pineapple, pumpkin pie, cheesecake, cadburry chocolate, my phone, hugs & kisses, saturdays, holidays, good health (most of the time), uggs, nikes, dereon jeans, coach, old navy, common sense, street smarts, reality television, brownies, icecream, poetry, freedom of speech, equal rights, the "f" word (especially when i'm angry), jay-z, nas, biggie, method man, wii, nintendo, jordans, rainboots, purple, blue, fill in the words, suduko, big speakers, email, texting, and more.

What are you thankful for??

Quote # 2

"Live and let live."

If people actually follewed this quote as a way of life there really wouldn't be any conflicts, or would there?

Planning Vs Living???

So after a conversation with my cousin about how we (two women) like to know what is going to happen tomorrow and maybe next week too but find it very difficult for the men in our lives to think that far ahead because they (two men) seem to live only in the moment.

I am currently obsessing over an issue that I definitely do not have control over and the idea of not knowing whats happening drives me insane! I was trying to have a conversation with the man in my life about this issue, but he prefers to wait and see the outcome of the issue before talking or planning about it and I just feel a little bothered that he won't budge not even a little. I am able to live in the moment about certain issues but life changing/deciding issues, I'd rather have a plan A-Z with semi alternates because I like to be prepared!

Is it really a mans way of thinking over a women's way of thinking? I don't know but what I do know is while I plan for tomorrow sometimes I do miss out on what is actually happening right now, but some people that are living in the moment aren't truly prepared for the harsh realities that tomorrow sometimes brings.

Well if you have a thought about this drop it. I am signing off for now.

Deep 'dark' Secrets

Everyone has a deep (not necessarily dark) secret. Some people go to the grave with these secrets, sometimes people reveal them to FREE themselves. Some people reveal them and end up all alone and find themselves regretting speaking the truth.

But if you hold these secrets near and dear to your hearts do people really get to know the real you? Do you get to know the real you?

I first revealed my deepest secret about 5 years ago to a person that made me feel comfortable enough to speak on it, and I, I was reborn that year. Yes I made mistakes and o did I go through my toddler stage where I fell and cried but then I got back up again.

My secret was that I was molested by a female when I was 5 years old and after admitting it and working through it, I finally began to HEAL. Are you ready to decide whether it's time to reveal your secret or not?

So yah know I love Beyonce right?

Well yesterday DW says that she became a DIVA because of Jay-Z and I almost blew a freaking gasket. Seriously Beyonce has got the whole damn package, she's Beautiful, she can really SING, she can DANCE, she can ACT, and she aint a size 2! She was climbing the ladder way before her Jay-Z days and whether or not she is his wife has no impact on her fan base. I like Beyonce because of her songs and her persona and never did I hope on the "o she's dating Jay-Z train."

And one more thing behind every successful MAN is a STRONG SUPPORTIVE WOMAN!!! Don't get it twisted!

Quote # 1

"You got to fake it til you make it"

When can you apply this quote? Is it one that is always applicable? What do you think?

I'll Wait

You would think that life eventually becomes smooth sailing, especially someone like me who has bump after bump in the road of life since very early. But at this time, I'm going through one of those who the hell am I and what is my purpose phases. This phase has been going on since January of this year and I have yet to come to a full conclusion. But I have some things that I am very grateful for:

1) My daughter (watch out 2019) she's going to be a revolutionist!

2)My Female BFF and Male BFF without them I would probably have killed someone by now and been in Attica planning my escape.

2) My Beautiful Line Sisters (funny how at certain times in our lives we don't really hear or see each other because we are really BUSY women) I know they have my back and I love them like crazy.

Yes I know I have 2 # 2's :)

3) My family (blood and water)

Well I don't know when I'm going to fully understand nor appreciate who I am and why I am here pero I know I got it better then a lot of others so I'll wait.

Emergency Room Run

I was in extreme pain on Tuesday night so I decided to stop being all anti-hospital and go to the ER. I went to Mount Sinai for the 1st time ever. I was happy at how quickly I was triaged and about 15 minutes later, I was being taken to the back.

Surprise, surprise there were so many beds with curtains, only 1 room (just in case you needed more privacy then a curtain could provide) and all you can hear are the beeps of those machines (I hope you know what I am talking about). Well I experienced an ok visit I guess, happy that nothing was found by the docs, but as for things that I heard and witnessed were damn right reason to piss me the hell off!

Patient # 1 - An older lady sort of reminded me of my grandmother, can't breathe correctly and only speaks spanish. White doctor screaming very distorted spanglish phrases at her. (Now I understand that this is a Jewish Hospital, but damn not 1 person was available to translate.) She was fighting the tube that they were trying to put in her nose, practically crying (scared obviously) and all you hear is the white doctor shouting (maybe because spanish people are hard of hearing, or because all old people are hard of hearing, or maybe because she will understand him better if he SHOUTS) "Senora please calmate, el tubo is going to make you breath easier. (Ugh I wish I knew spanish to help this poor lady. Damn hospital needs to invest in a translater or a nurse that speaks SPANISH, you service EL BARRIO PEOPLE!!!)

Patient # 2 - A young Puerto Rican (hood looking) man, who is in extreme pain. He is moaning and waits about a half hour before a nurse comes to his bed and tells him she can't give him anything until the doctor see's him. About 20 minutes after that the same white doctor comes over and says, "Hey can you tell me why you're here." The guy then explains that he is in PAIN and that he has LUPUS and was just here a week ago. He goes on to explain that his medicaid was cut so he hasn't been on meds and he is waiting for the social worker to help him get back on medicaid. The doctor is like "Not having insurance is a problem guy." (And I'm like "duh". What kind of freaking society do we live in that allows people with LUPUS or any other incurable DISEASE to walk around with NO MEDICATION because they don't have insurance? How doesn't he have insurance? Shouldn't there be some damn law that gives people insurance when they have DISEASES that can only be controlled with EXTREMELY expensive but necessary medication? And ok now he told you he's in pain, can you get him some pain medication and allow him to take it while you continue to ask stupid questions?) Well needless to say they were going to send him home with no medication just the one that WHITE DOC administered to him about 20 minutes later.

This leads me to be THANKFUL that I have medical insurance and speak english, but once again I live in el barrio which means most of my neighbors do not speak english and/or don't have insurance, and I am not too sure I like how they are being treated in the hospital.

I also think that I should've just went to metropolitan! I am still convinced something is wrong with me but now I know it aint something detectable by blood, urine, or cultures.

Well that's all for now...

THROW BACK (3/9/2007)

This was written by yours truly after hearing complaints from both the male and female species about their significant others. But I still feel it is valid almost 2 years later... Enjoy

Unwanted Information

I'm tired of guys and girls complaining about shit that their boy/girlfriend told them that they just can't believe....

So lets keep it real:

Don't ask how many people they slept with... because no matter what number they say you aint going to be happy... Real low numbers scare you cuz you think they gonna run back to their exes or that they lying... real high numbers scare you cuz you think they gonna be getting some on the side or just make you think their ass is a hoe...

Don't ask did you really love your ex... because if they say yes you gonna think that they gonna cheat and if they say no you gonna think they lying and that they gonna cheat...

Don't ask where's the freakiest place you've did it... what's the freakiest thing you've done... you gonna be mad!!

Don't ask if they think you're friend is cute... you gonna be mad if they say yes and if they say no you gonna be mad cuz you don't have ugly friends.

Don't ask are you cheating... UNLESS your ass is really ready to hear YES and you really gonna LEAVE.

Don't look through phones... check emails... etc... you dont really know where any of those conversations are going or have been unless you start from the first message, and if you start from the 1st and its shit that PISSES you off are you PREPARED to BOUNCE???

Don't stalk their friends... if they don't like you they gonna lie to get rid of you... if they do like you they gonna try to sleep with you.

Don't ask if you have better vagina or penis then the last person... what if they say no then what....

Some things are better left unknown... other things will come out at the right time and when the love and trust is strong enough in your relationships to seek past the goddamn first instinct responses.

Domestic Violence

I believe that everyone male and female experience domestic violence at least once in their life, even if it ain't directly.

Recently I found out that one of my friends is experiencing this demon right now and I am extremely upset that I can't help her. But I know from experience that only the individual can truly free themselves from the nightmare. Well now I feel angry because this friend is acting as if she didn't call me hysterically crying at 6am in the morning, saying that she just wanted to come home, like I didn't boggle my half asleep brain to think of ways for her to safely get out of her house. I love her and I worry for her. But seriously what the hell can I do now? I knew it would be this way the day after, the denial and almost shame that she must feel for actually calling me for help. She doesn't realize that she NEEDS to get out and that she can call me everyday and I can try and motivate her, even demand of her to leave but she will never leave until she is READY and I just hope she is ready before she is dead.