Special K in 2008

So this year has definitely been a rollercoaster of a year for me. I have had really good times and some very negative times. I knew this year would be a not so good year when I started it off alone crying as the ball dropped.

So what happened to me this year: I left a job for a new job. I then came to realize that leaving the old job would be a HUGE mistake. A mistake I totally learned a very important lesson from which was: I no longer want to work in a career that is directly involved with children. I spent most of the year seeking a newer job but have not found the job yet.

My relationship ended and my life seemed to crash and burn. Then my relationship seemed to be reborn into a category I can't technically classify but most days I feel that I am taken, he is still my love, and that one day I will be his wife. Every now and then I cry because we "aren't together" or because I might unknowingly be "losing him" or because I don't have a clearly defined relationship. I love him beyond love though and I would marry him and spend the rest of my life with him without thinking twice, so I don't know what we will or will not have in the new year but I do know that he is my Best Friend and he truly has my back wholeheartedly.

My friends... My line sisters became strong parts of my life again and I aint letting them go no where this time (you guys are stuck with me). Some childhood friends have been around again... not to my pleasure or displeasure. I made a ton of new friends that I love. I let some friends go that may or may not even realize.

My relationship with my mother and daughter continue to grow stronger and more solid and I am amazingly happy and more whole because of it.

I finally let go some emotions that I had stored deep inside me and have been happier in my personal life ever since.

I had my first Legacy Line as a Dean and love my babies dearly. I also built a stronger tie to Legacy and certain members. I have always been committed to Legacy but now I am a forefront player!

I am happy to say goodbye to 2008! I hope that I get to see better/happier times in 2009. I wish everyone a happy and healthy new year and am so excited that tonight I am spending the night with true blues!

Happy New Year!

He saved my holiday spirit and for that I am truly thankful!

I was having a moment yesterday where I almost thought that I wasn't going to allow myself to enjoy the holidays this year but about an hour later I was in the holiday spirit once more.

This holiday season has been a little hard because I am not exactly sure where my relationship stands and what I want and what I think I have and what I actually got... well I dunno if it is the same thing or not (sorry if I confused you there). So we exchanged gifts yesterday and we knew what we were getting but the card it... it made me damn near cry because it was so cute and sweet and romantic. I got all I dunno I dunno in my head and a million things came across my mind at once but I didn't wanna mess up the moment and he knows me so well he sensed the sadness and I was getting worried that he would leave and I would be sad and the next few days would be miserable but he stayed and the feeling faded.

Although I don't know exactly what we are or what we are not, I do know that I love him so much and he is great to me. He treats me like a queen and he is always there for me and like an angel he didn't allow me to fall yesterday. So because of him my Christmas Spirit has been kept alive and well and with that I leave you with a wish:

I wish you a Merry Christmas full of happiness. I wish you a Holiday Season full of love and laughter. I wish your wishes come true.

Quote # 4

"i know that you believe you understand what you think i said, but I'm not sure u realize that what you heard isnt what i meant" - J.E.

hmmm ever found yourself feeling like this??

My sickness

I totally think that my sickness lately stems from work stress.

Let's look at the following examples:

I went on vacay to VA and had a great time! I come back and I'm still chilling but once the weekend came 2 days before my return to work I get SICK!

I had a Friday off for a three day weekend, Friday and Sat I'm super good, Sunday comes around and I feel like crap.

When I wake up everyday it is sooooo hard to go to work. But I can get up to do just about anything else.

Celebrating Friends...

There is nothing in the world better then hanging with real people, that know you and love you. I must admit that every now and then when me and Kerri get together we turn into 12 year old children and bug the hell out. But isn't that why life is worth living?

At every difficult point in my life I ran to one or two specific friends for comfort and/or advice. I have a select few that I "run to" but without them I wouldn't be alive today (seriously). I love and cherish my real, true friends because I am a real true person.

I don't have the time nor the patience to surround myself or deal with fake people. I have eliminated so many fake people out my life in the past few years. But growing up and becoming more mature, I've learned that sometimes it is ok to forgive someone who has made a mistake before and sometimes it really isn't necessary to hold on to to friends just because you've known them since childhood. Appreciate yourself and only hold on to friends that make you feel good.

A real friend is a giver and a taker. someone that will cry on your shoulder and then let you cry on theirs. They understand that you can't be happy every single day and don't take offense when you need alone time. They aren't shady nor stalkerish. And they aren't your friend for any reason, people that become friends with you for a purpose usually end being your worst enemies.

Well thank you to my true blue friends! I love you and I appreciate you each and everyday!

Quote # 3

"If it doesn't make a difference, what difference does it make?"

Think about it.

For the good men...

It's crazy how most women depict men as dogs, liars, cheaters, assholes, etc. But those same women get pissed off when men say that women aint shit but hoes and tricks.

Well I've decided to celebrate the "good guys" today. There are men out their that take care of themselves. They love and appreciate their significant others. They are family oriented. They are educated and hold down steady jobs. They may not be ballers or shot callers but they are proud to be who they are. They will protect you, never neglect you. Make you feel like you are the only person in the whole wide world. Even when they are not at 100% they still put you before themselves. They know how to make you smile while you are shedding tears. They point out your strengths in your time of weakness. They walk around, they pass right by you everyday, be careful not to prejudge them because they will slip by.

To these men. Thank you. Because of you I am hopeful and because of you my heart has not turned cold. And to the one man the one good man in my life. Thank you for helping me shine and succeed and for reminding me that I am a queen and treating me like one at all times.